In Church

So this is a quick sketch I came up with about how I feel in Church.
I do want to better draw this one day.

Drawn on a Samsung Galaxy Tablet 10.1 in S-note Default Background

I feel like I'm the only one lacking that spiritual connection with God/ HolySpirit,
The blue is that connection that everyone else has weather they're praying, being healed, singing, playing an instrument, sitting, dancing, clapping or lifting their hands up.
I cant seem to bring myself to raise my hands despite wanting to and I cant bring myself to pray for other people, lay hands etc.
I've never had what some might call an encounter with God and so I feel in don't have that connection.
Excuse me if my theology is way off (feel free to tell me how it works)